Love Letter to my Mom

Amma,

I still remember when I was in 3rd class I remember telling my teacher that I hate you and love only Nanna. I’m so sorry for that.

I don’t know why I said that at that time. I was so small and all my life (till before my marriage) Nanna has been my hero. I would tell everyone and anyone that Nanna was my role model. The way he sacrificed his life for us, the way he sacrificed his comfort for us, the way he sacrificed his time for us and the way he sacrificed every single thing for us, and the way he worked so hard to make us happy, but it wasn’t really him, was it?! It was you all along. You had to give up everything too. You gave up your family for him and then I came along. You gave up your comforts and a career. You dedicated your life to us. You loved me even when I failed subjects after subjects and was a very bad student.

I don’t know why I never said this, but Amma I love you so much. Maybe because I’ve become a mom now, all the puzzle pieces have fallen into place. I remember when I was in my Bachelors. I stayed home for the better part of my 3rd and 4th year because I couldn’t really go. I had no friends and I was bullied by a lot of the girls, so I decided to stay at home except on lab days. I spent all these days with you amma and they were the best part of my early twenties. I loved the way we talked and how we went to the local market to get fresh veggies. I loved how you gave that five rupees so that I can eat pani puri and how you told me not to tell my sister.

I don’t know why you did all that Amma. I don’t know how you could give up everything. You gave up your comforts and how you dressed for ours. I still remember getting hands down clothes from akka and we never minded that one bit. I remember you feeling terrible. I remember you giving up your rupee so that you can save it for a dress for us in the future. You did so much, and expect so little and I do not know how you do that. You’ve lived all your life giving up and sacrificing that, that has become so normal for you. I don’t think I can do that. I don’t know where you had the courage from.

Thank you Amma for everything you did for me.

Thank you Amma for everything you did for Arlo.

Thank you Amma for everything you did for Nanna

Thank you Amma for everything you did for my sister.

Thank you Amma for continuing to do everything you can for us.

None of these thank yous are enough and none will be. You’ve given up way too much for just thank you to be enough. I only wish that I can return that favor one day. I don’t think I’ll make the sacrifices you made, but all I wish I can give you is a comfortable life. I wish I can make you happy. You are the reason the house was fed and housed. So thank you Amma, thank you so so so much. I love you. We love you.

Love,
Po