The Way I Dress

So for the past few days, I haven’t been in a good place. The world seems too cruel and too horrible for me to deal with. I want to curl up into a tight ball and go to sleep. Arlo is at a clingy stage and gets anxious if I’m three feet away from him. His presence soothes me but it has also become tiring since I cannot have lunch until 3 in the afternoon. But this got me thinking today since my mind was idle. When I was in high school and college (my bachelors) my family wasn’t financially in a good place. We had enough, but not enough to afford luxuries. Fifteen years back, even dining outside was a luxury to us. My cousin shared her clothes with me and I appreciate her so much for that. It meant my parents didn’t have to think about clothes and could concentrate on the economies required for our education. My cousin is shorter than me so most of her clothes were a bit short on me too, but this never bothered me as her clothes were so much cooler. She was working at that time and she could buy whatever she wanted. At that time I wasn’t thankful for my parents’ decision, but now I understand completely. I would do the same for Arlo. I would get him clothes from the thrift store if it means I can send him to the best college (if that’s what he wants).

When I got married and moved to the US, clothes were still not a priority for me. I still wish someone was there to help me with my clothes shopping or even better, someone did it for me. My closet is filled with T-Shirts from the men’s section of Walmart that have superhero logos on them. I love those shirts and I wish I could buy the entire collection. But I have some nice clothes too. And of course, I had to put up a picture of Facebook when I dressed nice. At first, I had nice comments that I was pretty and I was beautiful and then the hurting ones came in. One said, ‘Hey! How come you didn’t dress this pretty when we were in college?’ and another said, ‘Wow you look amazing! You should dress up like this when we meet up next time.’ and then another, ‘Is this how you dress when you are not meeting us?’ and then I realized how much attention people paid to how I was dressing. That was when I started paying attention to how I was dressing.

So dressing in what is comfortable is wrong. I feel so bad for every single actress who has to put on such uncomfortable dresses so that people can gawk at them. And then get criticized for being too thin or too chubby. What is wrong with the world!? We sit at our homes and judge people for how they are. Celebrities are humans too, they are like you and me. I love my Doctor Who shirt and my Avengers shirt. They are inexpensive and are so darn comfortable. Sure I do dress up sometimes. So I only look beautiful when my hair is straightened. I have frizzy curly hair. I’ve only had a few people complimenting my wavy hair and those are the people who are still in my life. I do not put lipstick every day because it dries up my lips. I would like to see a man bleed out of his private parts every month and still try and play around with makeup. The sad thing is that I was good friends with these people, even after they uttered those words. Of course, they were guys and I realized how superficial they are. Needless to say, I don’t talk to them anymore. Every time I talk to them I cannot help but wonder why they would utter such words.

Sure, I look pretty when I dress up. The reason I don’t concentrate on dressing up every time I get out of the house is that I don’t need to. The one day I dress up I do not do it because others would look at me. I do it so that I can attest to myself that I am still pretty and confident about myself. When I do dress up it feels good to get the compliments, but sometimes it just gets creepy. I don’t know if my other girlfriends have got similar creepy comments. Sure, they don’t seem creepy at first, but then you realize that these guys were gawking at your clothes instead of seeing how beautiful you are on the inside. ‘Beauty comes from inside,’ is something only women understand and say to each other. But it’s the truth. Beauty is not what is going to define you, it’s not what will remind people of, it’s your character, your attributes and your glowing aura that you will leave behind. So do not care what people think of how you are dressed or how you are looking. You are always beautiful inside out and you will leave your mark on this world.

Love,
Po