A Letter to A Lost Friend

Dear Friend,

I had this friend who was really, really close to me. He was so close, he really filled up the emptiness I had of not having a brother. He was always there for me. When I had this huge fight with my then boyfriend (now husband), I collapsed in the middle of the road, crying, having a huge panic attack, he stayed on the phone with me for two whole hours, consoling me that I was okay, that he was going to come back for me. I owe him my relationship with my husband. I missed him so much when he moved away to another city. We were the goofiest two friends. Everyone told me, how come you didn’t fall in love with him! He’s my brother! I did fall in love with him, but not to marry him, but to keep him as my brother forever. I knew his parents, brother, uncles, aunts and even their dog (who sadly passed away later). I spoke to his parents on a regular basis. He spoke to my mom on a regular basis. It was a beautiful friendship, but sadly it didn’t last very long. I keep wondering where I made a mistake.

But then I realized I was looking at it the wrong way. I got married and moved away to another country. I started my brand new life away from everyone. Friendships sometimes do not last over long distances, especially those that were forged recently. Friendships, especially with the opposite gender do not survive long. I don’t know why. The reason could be society, time, job, or just life. Life and s#@% happens. When I got married I spent a good deal of the first few months, sitting in the closet, crying my eyes out and stress eating. I wished a lot of my friends were there for me, but only now I realize how selfish have I been. I made new friends and drifted apart from my old ones. I did try to keep in touch.

My friend and I had this huge fight, he said some hurtful words – words that I could never forget. At that point in my life I was still battling the loneliness demon and was deeply hurt by his words, so I did what every human would do, ignore the person for eternity. He never even apologized. He just went on about his life, to me, it was telling that I didn’t matter. I never spoke to him, or his parents or brother again. There was nothing for him to apologize for if I thought he was the friend for life I shouldn’t have been offended. But, I was. So I guess we weren’t meant to be friends. I married my best friend and when he tells me something in a rage I don’t bother about it. But I did when my friend said something to me in frustration.

To that friend – I apologize deeply for expecting you to apologize. Time and Life has changed me over the years. I see you with your family now and it gives me immense happiness seeing you that happy. Your brother getting married, your new house is just the beginning of a long list of happiness’. You deserve nothing but the best in this world. When you are reading this I hope you are the happiest you’ve been in years, and I wish you happier times in the future.

Love,
Po